tarantulatrash

INDEPENDENCE.

Posted in Uncategorized by tarantulatrash on January 30, 2010

I’m writing this whilst sitting on my brand new black leather couch, in the gorgeous little minors cottage I am now the occupant of. It’s a beautiful night, the sort of Aussie summer night where you open the doors to the house to let the breeze in, whilst slathered in Aeroguard and armed with a can of Mortein. I have a Diet Coke with ice, I’m playing Portishead, I have a new, considerably higher income from a job I so far adore, and I HAVE INDEPENDENCE!!!

You would think that in my situation I would be content. The truth, however, is that I am far from it.

I am in love with someone who lives a mere 24 hour flight away. Sitting here, the silence isn’t soothing, but a deafening reminder of the fact that he isn’t here with me. I feel like my life is on hold, like everything I am doing up until I see him again is just filling in time.

Today, I filled my bookcase, and subconsciously put Ginsberg, Wordsworth and Kerouac on the top shelf, because they are our favourites. I placed a photo of London by my bed. Our scrapbook went straight onto the coffee table, and his T shirt into the top drawer of my bedside table. I thought about where he would put his clothes, and whether we would both fit on the couch.

I have never felt like part of me is missing, like I do right now. I feel incomplete, even lost. I wish I could drop everything and jump on a plane tomorrow. I know I’m not brave enough.

So I will sit and think and set up my drumkit, drink far too many diet-friendly carcinogens and go to bed wishing I was somewhere else.

This sucks.

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3 Responses

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  1. futiledemocracy said, on February 4, 2010 at 10:27 pm

    I’m going to be spending ten whole weeks there 🙂
    I miss you far too much

  2. Tamara said, on March 9, 2010 at 12:32 am

    You poor thing 😦

    On an up note, that is some super sweet tiling in your kitchen dear.

    xx


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